How To Liz Part Two: Picking Titles

Of course, titling your post is of no importance at all. It’s quite OK just to let the date and time identify your post to readers, but you are missing out an opportunity to show the depth of emotion and sense of humour you possess. How are your readers supposed to understand the many intricacies of your being if you won’t let them in?

The typical approach for a serious post filled with emotional outpouring and attempts to understand the complex thoughts whizzing through your brain is to title your post with a highly relevant song quote. It has much more gravitas and power if the song you pick is obscure and by a band that really sings from the heart about related matters (e.g. My Chemical Romance, Rooster, Maroon 5, McFly). The quote you take should also not have anything to do with the song title and ideally be hidden in the third verse or somewhere under a synth solo.

It is also of vital importance that you do not refer to the song anywhere. The title must stand alone as its own individual peek into your soul. It is another part of the puzzle that is you (6000 pieces, recommended for ages 11 and above)

However, if referring to some outlandish bout of wackiness, puns are the way to go. Similar to emotional posts, you’re going to need to steal song lyrics but change the words ever so slightly in order for them to refer to your predicament.

The goldmine of punning is pop songs, particularly novelty hits.
For example, should you be retelling your encounter with a tall, attractive homosexual, you are encouraged to title your post something along the lines of ‘Long Hot Bummer’ (a Girls Aloud reference). Likewise, should you have purchased a man/pet/Furby called Lee in an auction, you should go with something along the lines of ‘I Am The One And Own Lee’ – a pun on Chesney Hawkes’ song.

Should your punning skills not be up to much, check out the works of Alistair Appleton (Cash in the Attic in particular). This is a man who cannot refuse a good pun. This is also a man who cannot refuse a god-awful, skin crawlingly dreadful pun. These are the ones you should be taking note of. You are being ironic, after all.
The titles to episodes of ‘I’m Alan Partridge’ have equally excellent puns- ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ changed wittily to ‘Much Ado About Alan’.

Just to recap the difference- using an actual song quote means you’re about to be serious (‘I Can’t Stand Up For Falling Down’ being a prelude to a post about how you fainted earlier for no good reason and are quite worried about the whole thing), while a pun suggests a more jokey tone (such as titling a post ‘Rake Me’ and ranting hilariously about how you have an itch on your back you can’t quite reach).